Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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