I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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