I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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