It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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