So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
