A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
