so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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