her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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