Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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