I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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