blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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