Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
