I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are the jesus of drinking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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