I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
