I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
