remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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