I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
