I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
