I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
