I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
do herpes really smell.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
