Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
