and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
one two three fourrrrnication!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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