He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
