Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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