eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
