I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
