yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You can't motorboat a personality
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
