You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
