just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
