i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
