She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
