There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
