we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
