In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
