were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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