We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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