u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
