So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
