I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
