How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
