I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
