i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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