she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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