mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
