just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
