What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
