I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
