just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
