I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
