I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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