By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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