Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Welp...herpes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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