i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
