i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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