We're facebook friends in real life
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize