Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
