nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
