We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
