Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
