i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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