I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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