i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
