Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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