I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my shit smells like andre
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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