So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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