so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
seriously i just wanna be friends
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.