I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People Are Arguing Over This Guyâ€™s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.