i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?