you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex on a roof
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick