dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
