ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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