They should really pass out barf bags in church
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
