CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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