I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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