Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
