I need help removing her.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
