so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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