Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
