I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
