A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
