yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
