I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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