Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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