Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
