If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
