The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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