You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
