I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
