We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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