I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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