Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
