Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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