i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
