Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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