Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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