His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
