cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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